Friday, August 20, 2010

2 years of dating now, i'm dating his roomate. Feelings are confused. How do you deal with your ex coming back

So, I dated Ben for 2 years, fell in love, which wasn’t hard considering I was getting over a horrible guy. This guy seemed perfect. A year in and we were still together, never fought, never seems to bicker about anything. A year and a half in.. I realized we hadn’t talked about a future together.. or a future at all. We are both old enough to begin to at least think about this, and yet.. we hadn’t. Around 2 years, Ben breaks it to me that he doesn’t know if this is it, he doesn’t know if this is “true love.” Ben had never been in a relationship before me, other than a few dates here and there, and I, well lets just say I’ve had my share of emotional connections. Ben was my 2-3 long term boyfriend and I felt with him what I felt with no other(and still, but we’ll get to that in a minute). I remember with Ben I never thought anything about another person, I never felt the need to think about another person, I was just.. as I like to put it: where I wanted to be. So the break-up happened and I made myself take a second look around. Maybe what I’d felt wasn’t love, maybe it was just what I could get at the time, maybe I could find more than “where I wanted to be.”

James and Ben were roommates for about a year. James was one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met(still to this day is). We’d always been friendly, yet I saw him in a different light, maybe it was a feeling, or maybe it was anger running though my veins to my ex. I felt as though it was a strong suggestion to at least try. James and I began dating soon after, he even asked his roommate(my ex) if this was okay. My roommate replied “I’ve seen how you to get along, it’s obvious it could be a good thing.. sure.” We’ve been dating for 3 months, and it has been a rocky time between our friends and my ex. James and I seem to not hang around them as much anymore, in fear that we might disturb peace between the “group.”

1-2 months into the relationship with James.. my ex discovers what happened was not what he wants now. He questions his decision to break up with me and starts a quick plan to win me back, I push away and take this as a “you’re an ex for a reason” type deal. I stop talking to him and tell myself this new relationship is everything I’ve wanted from Ben, only with someone else. Well, now, 3 months in.. I miss Ben. I think about him, and I pray he doesn’t move on.. because I feel like I haven’t fully recovered, nor that I may not. I love my new boyfriend, I feel things for him I can describe, but I love Ben, I feel things for him I CAN’T describe. Maybe it was my quick rebound relationship, or maybe… just maybe there was a reason for all this and the reason was to make it work with Ben. …I don’t know what my question is, I just need advice2 years of dating now, i'm dating his roomate. Feelings are confused. How do you deal with your ex coming back
History is a very powerful thing. Yea lol I was reading this and I almost swear you were talking about me lol (real names ben) ether way been in a similar situation till you got down to the room-mate part. Ether way welcome to the wonderfully misunderstood world of the heart. One thing you need to understand about the word ';love'; is that its a word and like any word its flawed in its ability to describe the undescribable. But just to move on will say that ';love'; is a symbol used to describe the intensity of feels that a human being feels for an entity. Weather it be drugs, move, hobbies, kiddos, lovers, friends, even enemies. We all have a level of feelings that we fell for that sometimes to the point of obession (addiction). Ether way your stuck with ben in your heart. He has been tagged to many memories in your life that you'll be unable to fully appricate without him being brought into that head of yours. The same can be said about James. The differents is well quite frankly that all relationships for an individual are... ';special';, ';different';, or how do I put it... indvidual. So with that said ever relationship in your life most be tag with its own... ';light'; or lets just say feeling. That is special and dependent on the individual the relationship is based on. Which I think humanity has known since the dawn of time which is why we have marriage so we don't end up loving more then we can handle. Ether way time for the advice. You well have to work a long time with James to make a ';light';/feeling that well be equal or more intense then that of Ben. This has nothing to do with the quality of the relationship, just that us humans put alot of subconscious weight on history. So your at a point in your life were you need to have one heck of a serious, no holds bar, give it all you got, don't hold back, converstation with Ben about the way you feel. If he can't give you what your expecting then its time to stop expecting anything from him and just realize that he is Ben, not your husban, not your true-love, not this great men you've hope for all your life, just good old Ben. And just be glad to have some one in your life that you shared such an experience with and still is welling to accept that love he will always have for you. But I don't see it going that way. Love is a two-edge sword. Its time to talk, plain and simple is the best advice I can give you, I just had to explain to you a little bit more on why it seems so gosh darn complicated....

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