Monday, August 16, 2010

Any moms that don't have contact with their kids, because of their own doing, I would like your input?

To any moms who have absolutely no contact with your biological kids, and it's because of your own reasons and choices, then please, read on. I am not here to judge you or put you down, I am here seeking your input. I want to know from your standpoint how you would feel about this, please.

Here goes. My (step) daughter's bio mom has not seen her or made any attempt but one phone call to her in the last 1 1/2 years. The phone call she did make was made during the day, so the way I see it, she knew damn well she wouldn't get to talk to her. She didn't see the child at all from the time she was 8 months old, until she was 2 1/2. Then, she was having visitation, but missing about 40% of them, always with some random and lame excuse as to why. She has been strung out on drugs off and on, been caught prostituting, you name it.

Anyway, since warrants and inmate information are public record, I check often to see if she is locked up or not. Mainly so we (my husband and I) can have some peace of mind that she won't be coming around. We worried about letting the child go there when she was around, because of things we knew were happening while she was there. But, because we had no proof, there was nothing legally we could do about it. This woman has 3 other kids by 3 other men, and treats them all the same way. There is way more to the story, but you get the idea.

So, my husband and I would like to terminate her rights as soon as we are legally able to do so, which is when she has gone two years and voluntarily made no contact. We feel that it is in the best interest of the child, because her having her mother come in and out of her life so much is very hard on her.

My question is this: As the bio mom in this situation, how would you feel if you knew that your ex's new wife was helping him to accomplish his goal of terminating your rights, even though it was because of things you did? Would you understand that both of them were doing what was best for your child, since you weren't doing what was best for her? Or would you feel that they were just being hateful?

I am asking because although I know that not having to deal with this is in the best interest of the child, but at the same time, I don't want to start a feud with his ex over it. I realize that she is her bio mother, but for the last 3 years, I have been the one actually being a mother to her. Your input would be appreciated, and I am sorry this was so lengthy.Any moms that don't have contact with their kids, because of their own doing, I would like your input?
I have contact with my kid(s), but your story reminded me of my father. And if you dont mind I would like to answer, if they are strung out on drugs or alcohol then it doesnt matter they will just think you are being hateful. Either way, you guys are going to be the bad guys to the girls mother. But you have to do what is best for the child, and if that is keeping that women away then that is what needs to be done. Either way the mother is going to have a lot to answer for one day, on why she wasnt there and what not. So either way she has it coming to her. Or she could just be like my father and never think he ever did anything wrong and was the best parent in the world even though he is a drug head and an alcoholic. Good luckAny moms that don't have contact with their kids, because of their own doing, I would like your input?
Sorry, I am another reader who cannot personally relate, but I do have a situation like this that is very personal to me. You see, your step-daughter's mother sounds just like my sister. She had her first child, and walked out on him and the father before he was two years old. She later had two other children with a man she is no longer with. She now lives with a different man with her two boys, but her first born, she has not seen in nearly two years. All of her problems and lack of communication with her first born is of her own doing, and does not have custody (but she does have visitation rights) because of neglect, drugs, trouble with the law, etc.

We (my mother and I) raised her first born (my nephew) for nearly 4 years because his father couldn't handle the pressure (my nephew is autistic). My nephews father fianlly remarried, and shortly after the marriage, they wanted to take his son back to live with him and his new wife.

My sister heard of this, and she even heard that her son's now step-mom wanted him to call her mommy. This enraged my sister and made her very emotional, because she was his mommy. My sister is suppose to pay child support, but of course, never has. They have ignored her rare phone calls, and they do their best to avoid her.

Even though she seems like a horrible mother and has basically forsaken her son, it is still an extremely sore spot with her whenever he is mentioned. She gets very defensive, angry, and very emotional. She doesn't fight to see him, she doesn't pay child support, she doesn't drive down to see him . . . Yet she will still break down in tears whenever he is talked about.

Like I said, she hasn't seen him in almost 2 years. I feel very sad for my nephew that his mom (my sister) does not care enough to make him a part of her life. It breaks my heart, I want to cry even now for him. But in all honesty . . . If his step-mom tried to adopt him as her legal son . . . How could I blame her? I couldn't. And even though the situation would be very difficult, it would not be right for anyone to see it as an act of hate or spite. It would be hard, but at the same time, I think it would be justified.

You really want to be the mother, because you already are. Go ahead, and don't feel guilty about it.
I'm not like this..but decided to read it anyway... I've been in situations like this. My step brother's ex fiance was addicted to some nasty stuff. My father and step mother ended up taking custody of the child when she abandoned him. Now that she is ';clean'; she wants him back, living with her.. complete bull crap if you ask me, there is no guarantee that she will stay clean, or even stay on her meds (she is bi polar and schizo effective) The courts have thought the same thing.. she is allowed visitation, which she actually does do, but he isn't allowed to go live with her as of right now.

My own father did give up his rights to me when i was 10 years old, with no problems. He knew that another man had been raising me since i was 5 years old and that he hadn't seen me since i was 4. He was not selfish.

So basically how she will feel about all of this will depend on how selfish she is really! She may hate it, or she may really appreciate you for doing everything that you have thus far in helping to make sure her child is raised properly since she is not able to do it. What ever the case is, with people like this you really shouldn't worry about what she will think or feel, because in the much has she thought about or felt towards her own daughter that YOU are helping to raise??!!

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