Friday, August 20, 2010

How long did it take you to get over your ex-husband?

Question: I've been married for 10 years and now we have been separated for almost 6 months. I found out 1 week after leaving that I am pregnant. We have a 3 year old boy. I have always loved my husband and left him, hoping that he'd realize that he has times when he's not all that nice. He never looked back. He cheated on me 1 month after separation.

I know my marriage is over now. I am coming to grips with that, but I'm guessing some of you have been through divorce. When does it stop hurting? When does it become easier to see him with another woman? When does the vindictiveness stop? Here I am, about to have another child with him and he's wondering if I would consent to allowing his new g/f into the deliver room! I'm not even sure I want HIM in the delivery room. Does anyone relate to this? Why is it so hard to let go?How long did it take you to get over your ex-husband?
Well number one. Technically if you are legally seperated and if the law does not state other wise or any other legal agreement between you two. Having sex or getting a girlfriend during a legal seperation or being seperated does not indicate cheating. SO technically he did nothing wrong. Morally and perhaps it hurt your feelings and broke your heart but it was not legally cheating. But it does leave you feeling betrayed if only after a month of being apart and not longer ';married'; cause seperated is not married anymore hun. That he could throw 10 years away like that and not even think.

Guys sometimes are simple minded and one track minds. they do not really think, rationalize, weigh and rethink situations or other peoples feelings.....

to answer about your children. Ask yourself this

1) how mean was he, and will this not so nice reflect your kids in any negative way?

2) does he treat your son good, and will he make a good father to this new baby as well?

3) is he a good father and will he remain so afterwards the divorce is final?

A) it doesn't ever really stop hurting. deep down you will always hurt. humans are not made to just forget stuff like feelings and emotions especially of a 10 year marriage. the pain will dull and subside and you will be able to move on. That can take time. It takes time to get over any pain/loss one feels especially of a relationship/marriage coming to an end and no resolution in sight, and the loss of that person. It leaves you feeling empty and loss. But the key is to get passed that. Face your feelings, the hurt ( get him and you to go the a therapist together and perhaps his new gf too if its going to be serious, and your son as well).[ face how you feel. stand up for yourself and your children.

the hurt to answer directly. the major part where it leaves you crying and feels like your body is being torn down, will subside in time.

It may never become easier to see him with another women. but you got to move on. and find yourself someone that you love. but no hurry, do not rush or force anything. but it will be easier to see him with another women when he sees you with another man. especially when you find one who treats you better and you love so deeply.

the vindictiveness may never stop. but after everything is settled in court it may subside.

I wouldn't allow the gf to be in the delivery room let alone near my child. you can specify that for visitation it has to be only him and not this girlfriend. in the papers with the court.

its so hard to let go because the feelings and the good are forever in YOU and in your memory. things will trigger it and you have to learn to work past this.

find hobbies, go to therapy with .. HIM, your son , yoruself and this gf if she is a serious thing....

Letting go is not always easy.

I relate to this is so many different ways. I was married previously ( long story) but its over and i got over i know the loss even though it wasnt 10 years and we do not have kids togehter.

i have lost someone deer to me and i know its hard at first but time and space and effort helps

good luck to youHow long did it take you to get over your ex-husband?
i know how you feel, my husband up and left me and his unborn baby at 7 months pregnant for a 17r old high school girl. i have to come to grips everyday that there together and that soon he will we get visitation rights to his daughter even though he is the one the cheated!

it is going to take a long time to get over such hurt. i go thru so many moods everyday, anger, hate, love,disgust, crying, rage.

what you need to do is not focus on the man he used to be but focus on what he has become... a cheater!

from the sound of it he does not love you any more and you deserve so much better than him! do not let him in to the delivery room and if it was me i wouldn't put him on the birth certificate either. limit seeing him as much as you can!

forget about them and focus on your child and child to be!

they are sucky people and they will get theres in the end!

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