Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How do you trust people? - When you have been hurt so much in the past by..ex partners and even your family?

So im only 20 yet I feel I have delt with alot in my life.From the age of 4 I saw my dad beat my mum and sisters so bad my sister was unconcious and we got taken into care for a week we were allowed to go back to my mum as she wasnt in contact with my dad no long - That what we thought turns out 2 years later my dad was back in our house doing the same things.My mum is a really gullable woman and it hurts even to this day to see her get taken for a fool but she wont listen all I ever wanted is to see my mum happy not crying..upset..drinking.It hurts so much.I found my first partner at 13 and even though we were young we lasted 3years I suffered a misscarige when I was 15 and I have never spoken of this to anyone I was with my partner at the time for 2 years ( Yes I know what your all thinking..YOUR SO YOUNG YOU GOT UR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU.) The fact is its soo easy to say when your giving advice to someone else. Yet to find out in the end he finally cheated on me..So I finished the reletionship..Obvosly i look back on it now 16 ur still experiencing new things. When i was 18 I met this really nice guy uno almost perfect to the very T! things were going so good for us..i was the first woman to meet his family .. went on family holidays..things were soo good!..But as ive been hurt before I was waiting for the downfall..so id start little arguments..about nothing just because i ***** belive things were going so good for me..looking back now it is a stupid thing to do but i had feelings that things werent going right..turns out he was cheating on me too..Now I am soo drained and dont know what to say really..apart from why me?


So yeah if you can answer that i would appreicate it :)

Prehaps if you have been in the same situation?

%26amp; I am aware there are people out there that have had worse problems than me..but as this is YAHOO ANSWERS i was wondering if anyone could answer mine?

Thanks xHow do you trust people? - When you have been hurt so much in the past by..ex partners and even your family?
The reality of the situation is, although there are those who are worse off, it does not make your problems any less important or painful.

What you did with that second relationship, is incredibly common for those with trust issue's.

I think you try learning to meditate, firstly for relaxation, but secondly and most important, to learn to let go of those emotions, to listen and sharpen your instincts and intuition.

Picking those arguments was, in part, fear of betrayal again, but i think in most part it was in not recognising, or hearing those instinctive voices within you. If you learn and practise meditation, you will find it helps a tramendous amount to understand yourself and why you do things, the answers are all inside your head.

As hard as it is, remember your mother's lack of strength and know, that one needs to be strong enough to walk away from someone they care about at times, women have been brainwashed thoughout history and this is exactly why we end up, carrying the baggage that isn't really ours, but is forced on us.

I did not go through anything as bad as you...your trust issue's are totally understandable, doubt any human could go through that and not come out with trust issues.

I learned to distrust as a very young child and understand what your going though with the opposite sex, but the way i know it to be now is that when the right guy does come along, you will know it for sure. You will have very different feelings than you did with the others and you will be able to let a lot of these feelings go without even trying too.

The why me, question is something we all ask, no matter what the problems we are trying to tame. But make no mistake, there is reason and that will only be obvious in hindsight, not very fair but we're forced to live with it.

But do learn to meditate, one needn't put a lot of time into it, but once one feels the release of yrs of baggage, the serenity and most of all the peace of mind it brings, one tends to look forward to the practise.How do you trust people? - When you have been hurt so much in the past by..ex partners and even your family?
Just make new friends and speak to a family member you havent bonded with yet.
This question is LOOOOONNNNG!
i don't trust people.
u learn to trust them
wow i so feel for you... I have the same issue. I got to where i couldnt trust anybody. I have a mind of a 25 year old because ive been through every bad time there is in a relationship. Theres really noting you can do about it but i have learned to be te ideal girl and try my best to keep the man satisfied and if or when he starts to cheat on you he will feel too bad about it because he's in love with you so much and the guilt will stop him from doing it. Try it And let me know how it turns out..
I have had similar experiences. One thing I have learned that if I choose to go through life as if I were a victim, protecting myself from every hurt, and look at life as everyone doing stuff to me, that is how I will live my life. Stuff happens to everyone. We can take these things as naturally occuring and learn to live life on life's terms. We do that by counseling, educating ourselves with books, working on ourselves, building a support system. We have a choice to be bitter with how things unfold, or better. Rather than cringing and protecting and hiding, believe that we are empowered enough to withstand and even grow with what comes our way. It is not a question of how to avoid, but a statement that it will be ok because I am capable of getting through it. I wish you serenity

You will learn over the years that you never trust anyone 100%.

Like you i have had to learn the hard way and now i will never, ever, give up that last bit of trust where i surrender to them completely, i have that tiny bitin reserve to protect myself.

I'm sure that many will disagree with this but i'm telling you now that it works.

After being cheated on by partners, stitched up by close friends, stabbed in the back by family, i have come to the conclusion that just about everyone is out for themselves in this life.

And for anyone who this hasn't happened to yet, let me tell you it's just a question of time.

You have to learn to love your self before you can let others love you, i would ask you doctor for some therapy, maybe talking therapy might help, if not there are others its just about finding what suits you, but the first step is your doctor, and also if your continually thinking your going to be hurt, and like you say ';start little rows'; most men will not stand for it and get fed up, so start with yourself, leave men alone for a while, when your in a better place in your life, then a man will come into it that you can love and know and trust he feels the same. So take care little one.
Hiya sounds like you have had a rough time of it mate and have become somehow swapped in the negative experiences you have had. All io can do is reccomend a book called self analysis it helps you focus on some of the good things that you have experienced and as you are able to remember these more and more so you will be able to create new good experiences in the future



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